"Please do not keep ramming your head into my spine"
"Put the meat tenderizer away"
"It has been almost an hour, how much longer do you want to play FETCH"
"Fishes don't like hugs"
"You can't snort like a pig and chew at the same time"
"Where is pee supposed to go?"
These are a few of the crazy statements that I make regularly to T...I can smile and laugh about this, it's what makes being a parent such an adventure!
However, it seems that T turning 3 years old has flipped on some hyperactive switch that I wasn't aware of actually existing. Throw in his big birthday party, Thanksgiving, several other birthday parties, playdates, 5 days of Christmas, botched nap routines, and bed wetting, all of which I feel have magnified his behavior for Jas and me over the last month. From the moment he wakes up, T is a ball of crazy energy,with his constant questions (many of which are repeated at least 5 times each), curiosity, and a natural desire to jump/climb/pull/knock over/pound on/run into/get inside/crawl through/or pour out everything. I find myself losing patience entirely too soon and enforcing time outs or reprimanding him too often...this is becoming a struggle for me as I don't want to be a mean mom ALL THE TIME, to put it plainly. I am human, I have only a certain threshold for tolerating a child who....found a new sound, humming, often, for long stretches of time...who asks 8 more times after all of my other simple explanations or distractions, "mommy can I ride my bike outside" while it's raining....who is ever so subtly tapping the window blinds with his toes while hanging his head upside down on the couch...who every night asks to go potty 5 more times after he has been put to bed, just so he can stay awake longer. Each of these activities among so many others throughout the day, they are often subtle as I described, but constant, repetitive, occur every day. It gets old, and I hate that I feel annoyed. T is cute, I adore him, it really just feels annoying sometimes.
Are all of these new attributes so awful that I am actually writing about them? Well, to me, yes at least for now. The issue for me is not that T is acting out in these ways... this is what most 3 year old boys do at this developmental stage, at least that is what I am finding out now. It is figuring out the best way to deal with it. Major issues...no. He is not acting out in mean ways, he is not hitting, biting, being rude, defiant, bratty or bossy. He is just a boy that is curious and has a lot of energy, and he is trying to be this way while learning to live in a world with tons of rules, restrictions, and routines. Jas and I just have to figure out the best way to be his parents I think. It's easy to be an outsider and say "Well that's easy, just spank him, just put him on time out, just show him who is boss." But that is the exact issue - T's behavior is not what would be considered bad by most people and that would warrant such discipline, it is more...what's the best word besides annoying?...button-pushing behavior, I don't know, but just enough of an issue to require putting it in check. We discipline him, he knows we are the bosses, we have the final say, he is well aware. But now that he is more verbal, he suddenly has developed a need to negotiate, he now has an opinion, he is testing the boundaries all day long. As parents, our role is not just for discipline, but to educate him, teach him the importance of respect, how to conduct himself with good manners, and to hone and encourage his spirit and his interests.
I think I am just as usual, over thinking, over speculating. I remember when I found out we were having a boy, thinking to myself, "Ohmigosh, I am so freaking out about this! I come from a family with only daughters, I was a dancer and spent the majority of my childhood, teen, and young adult life doing girly activities with girly girls. It's what I am used to. I don't know how to play with boy toys, or how to be as adventurous like boys, imaginative in boy ways and get dirty like boys do. Can I keep up with a boy's energy and need for the outdoors?" I also have this simply lame but true fear - I don't want T to fall into that stereotypical teenage boy - disrespectful, distant, experiment, defiant. And that is why I have this constant need to make sure that we are raising him properly, disciplining him effectively, loving him enough, for fear that I will have done something wrong to result in having a defiant teenager. I know I know if we raise him well, teach him well, love him, and just genuinely care for him, he will become a respectable young man. But is it that simple, because even so, a teenage boy is still influenced by so much more, and we as parents can only control so much of their environment. (I've been reading a book called Boys Will Be Boys) and statistics and studies find that boys have a natural tendency to be impulsive, which is probably testosterone driven, and they at a younger age then girls experiment with drugs and alcohol sooner, and tend to push beyond boundaries earlier. Statistics I realize are just that, but uggghh, freaks me out! And then I worry that I will be too overbearing, overzealous with discipline and rules that it will happen anyway. My mom says we just need to do what feels right at the time, that is the best we all can do as parents, and know that it will all work itself out in the end.
And I will repeat myself again...I am a new mom, I am new at doing this myself, I am still adapting to the ways of little boys, and all things are easier spoken and taught, then done. I am learning and searching for ways to better myself as a caring mom, a disciplinarian mom, and a playful mom. I have missteps, I over think often, I regret, I worry.
Facts- 1. I only have one child, I get that 2. Yes I am home with him most of the day until I go to work 3. He is a wonderfully social, bright, happy, adventurous child, and I am thankful every day that I can share these joys with him 4. Overwhelmed, certain days I am. Could it be worse? Of course I could have 5 kids under the age of 8, or a child with special needs, or child with a chronic medical condition
I am just spewing these thoughts out to express my new mom frustration...it never ends, no matter what age.
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