My bright idea

I decided that the only way to get my butt in gear and start consistently exercising is to give myself a brutal reminder as to why I'm exercising in the first place. That little reminder is a series of pictures I took of myself in a bikini.....not a tankini, oh no no. I whipped out some little bikini I wore even pre-wedding. Bad idea? Probably. What I concluded from seeing myself in that little scrap of nylon lycra was this:

#1. It's not as bad as I thought
#2. If Kate Gosselin could jump around a beach in a bikini 5 years after having 6, I should too 3 years after having 1!
#3 . I need to work on my self control
#4. I will invest in some self tanner
#5. I have nice shoulders and calves, but not too pleased with everything in between.

So several days of depression and self-pity have ensued, and my stair climber and I have met reluctantly only a few times since my photo shoot. Yes, that visual should have been the whooping I needed to get me on my stair climber but...it's rough...I HATE exercising! I have never been one to love going to the gym, in fact I am nauseated by the sweaty stench of it, which greatly deters by gym efforts. Pre-wedding I did have a brief year or two of kick-boxing classes and yoga ball interaction, but the stereotypical honeymoon phase made me lazy and never want to leave our little apartment. Add to that nursing school, new job with long hours, and surprise your pregnant....here I am 12 pounds more than what I would prefer at this stage in my life.
I'm not going to sit here and put blame on any one specific thing, because this is all on me. But I have excuses, don't we all, and I have to find a way to get past them.

As a retired dancer, my metabolism and stamina have certainly seen better days. It is a frustrating struggle to have lost that part of my life. Dancing was an activity that not only took up my every day for more than half my life, and gave me life long friends and amazing memories, but was my only, and favorite, form of exercise. I NEVER could just run, I'm not a runner, couldn't ever get past the runner's cramp and burning chest. Bike riding? I had a car to drive, and dance class so no desire to ride a bike. I attempted after T was born to get back into classes, but I had a hard time leaving my nursing, screaming baby.

I need an exercising buddy to prevent me from giving an excuse to not show up, and to converse with during the misery. Krissy and I made a concerted effort when the kids were infants to meet at the Lake and stroller-size every week, and I'm pretty sure I lost all of my baby weight that year, but once illness/schedule conflicts/weather started to throw off the routine, we never got back to it.

I have already made some changes in my eating habits which have resulted in about a 6 pound weight loss I am proud to say, but some toning needs to occur. My self-esteem is constantly battered by the visions of celebrities on magazine covers who after birthing babies, and 50 pregnancy pounds later, have lost it all and then some, pose proudly, looking svelte and sexy. The funny thing is I have never felt "svelte and sexy" before, so why am I pressuring myself to want to look that way now. I am in good health, have great blood pressure and cholesterol, eat considerably healthy, with the exception of my close relationship with ice cream and chocolate. Oh how I would love to have a personal trainer and expensive pre-portioned meals arrive at my doorstep every day so I didn't have to leave my home.

As I sweep that dust bunny off my stair climber, and give another once over to my bikini photo shoot, I am left wondering what else it will take to push me into overdrive to really start working at it? Until then, I think I'll just polish off this last piece of confetti cake I made last night...